Now, on a sad note I just want to give you guys a heads up that Monday’s comic might be a bit late.  I’m going to be in Chicago all weekend to see my little sister graduate from college (and I am SOOOO PROUD!).  If the comic isn’t up first thing in the morning then I will have it up on Monday at some point, but I don’t know when exactly.  I apologize in advance for any time missed.

Otherwise, ready LFG and watch Thor.  Hug your Mom and tell her you love her.  And have a great weekend!

3.  The Beaver

Mel Gibson plays a man in the midst of a mid life crisis and divorce who, essentially, has a breakdown and ends up finding his sanity through a puppet beaver.  Alright, first things first:  Mel Gibson probably shouldn’t be in a role that swings this close to home.  There.  Got that easy joke out of the way.  So, when I read the brief summary of this movie I thought there was no way it had a chance.  Then I saw the trailer and immediately changed my mind.  I forget with all the drama surrounding Mel Gibson that he can act.  Not just action movie act, but really act.  I honestly think this movie will be great because of his work alone.  However, because of all his off-screen fiascoes and the absurdity of this plot there’s not a lot of hope it will do well.

2. Everything Must Go

Nothing better then a comedian playing a serious role.  I always feel bad too, because some of them can act and I know they want the chance but they rarely get it.  In this movie Will Ferrell plays another man in the midst of a life changing, middle aged crisis.  This is the drama theme of the year I think.  In Everything Must Go, Will and all his possessions get locked out of his house.  He spends the week selling everything in an impromptu lawn sale and re-evaluating his life.  I was drawn to this movie early and none of the trailers have let me down.  Sadly, no one else I talk to seems to have heard of the film and it’ll be out in two weeks.  Not a good sign for what might be a very good movie.

1. Winnie the Pooh

Every time I’ve asked anyone what the Disney animated movie this year is I either hear Cars 2 (wrong) or crickets.  And how can I blame anyone for not knowing?  First, this movie is coming out in the middle of summer instead of Thanksgiving or Christmas.  Unforgivable.  Second, if you’ve seen the trailer and remember it you probably thought what I did at first:  that looks like a straight to DVD release.  But it’s NOT.  It’s a theater release.  It’s classic Pooh, with new stories, and that warm and fuzzy feeling just oozing out of it like honey from one of Rabbit’s honey pots!  (Cause Pooh’s honeypots never have no honey in them.  Silly old bear.)  I’m not going to lie, I’m absolutely bias in this case cause I grew up on Pooh.  The old movies like The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, the old “people in costumes” show Welcome to Pooh Corner, the best Saturday morning cartoon ever The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, and even the book as a present one year.  I loved Pooh, and it breaks my heart to  know that he’s going to drift by like a lonely, little black rain cloud.  So sad.

The point is:  I hate these movies.

8. Mr. Popper’s Penguins

Awwww, isn’t that cute?  Jim Carrey with a bunch of wild animals learning tap dancing and becoming friends?  NO.  It’s not cute.  It’s called STOLEN MATERIAL.  Mary Poppins anyone?  Yeah, and let me just add:  Dick Van Dyke is a better dancer too.  Actually, this whole thing is Jim stealing from himself.  Might I remind you of a not-to-funny movie called Ace Ventura: Pet Detective?  Oh snap!  Busted!

7. Bridesmaids

There’s a reason The Hangover is a great movie.  Because everyone can believe a group of guys in Vegas at a Bachelor’s Party could get into that much trouble.  It’s the tall tale that every dude thinks happens but never really did.  Women don’t party like that.  They watch the Royal Wedding.  Alright, that’s not fair, there are some crazy women out there – just look at Jersey Shore.  But, honestly, does anyone anywhere care about a female version of The Hangover?  No.  No one does.

6. The Smurfs

I wasn’t allowed to watch Smurfs as a kid.  Oh, I saw some episodes, but overall my knowledge of little blue weirdos is limited.  Even so I don’t remember them looking like playdough, having an Irish accent, and generally being crass.  What really sucks, is I like Neil Patrick Harris and Jayma Mays.  I want this movie to be good just for their sakes, but there’s no chance it will be.  No chance at all.

5. Cars 2

This is where the list starts to get personal.  Pixar makes amazing movies.  Except for Cars.  That movie was awful.  Now they’re making a second one?  When they could be making something outlandishly brilliant like Newt?  They cancelled Newt?  WHAT?!!  I’ll KILL YOU PIXAR!!  I’LL KILL YOU DEAD YOU SOULLESS MONSTERS!!!!!!!

4. Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Stupid.  Stupid.  Stupid.  Obviously the people behind this movie don’t realize 3 things.  Thing 1:  what made the ORIGINAL movie Planet of the Apes work.  Thing 2:  James Franco is one of the most annoying actors to listen to ever.  Thing 3:  Reboots don’t work when they SUCK.  (aka – remake of Planet of the Apes in 2001 was terrible too, why would this be better?)  (It won’t be.)

3. Harry Potter Blah Blah Blah Whatever

Look, I enjoyed the books for a while.  Then book seven came out and I read it and when I finished the last page I calmly stood up and THREW IT ACROSS THE ROOM.  What a terrible, AWFUL, unholy slap in the face to fantasy writing that dribble was.  I vomit a little in my mouth just thinking about it.  Forgiveness is not an option.  And as such, I refuse to further acknowledge this series in any capacity.  I will not read her slop.  I will not watch her movies (even if they are usually better then the books).  I will not even list the actual title of this or any of her works when referencing them.  Just know, I’m glad this blech is finally over.

**********

A pause here to remind you:  the next two movies are vile and evil on a level unforseen in many, MANY years.   It was all but impossible to decide which was worse.  But if I were allowed to add other evil things to this  list, the list would go Harry Potter, Asparagus, Megan Fox, music by Coldplay, the Denver Broncos, these two movies, and then those sticky labels on the top of brand new CDs that never peel off right or easily.  So, basically, around the 15 mark on the top 100 things.  Really, really high.  Okay, now that the setting is made…

1.5  Transformers: The Evil Continues

Hatred.  I just don’t understand why people who obviously don’t know ANYTHING about the Transformers are allowed to make horrible movies about them.  When I was in the second grade, I was always playing “make believe” as Transformers – doing the chook-chook-chook sounds and jagged motions.  I wrote an ‘essay’ in third  grade saying that  Optimus Prime was my hero.  (Yes, my Dad was offended.)   The bottom line is that these robot things are not the Transformers I grew up admiring.  They’re stupid, immature Lego Technic toys that Michael Bay can blow up every two minutes.  “Story?  WHO NEEDS IT!  We’ve got EXPLOSIONS!”  I was literally FORCED to watch the first Transformer movie, and I cried for half an hour after I realized the irreparable damage done to my soul.  I will never watch another of these bile-crusted films again.

1.5 Pirates of the Crapibbean

My own stupid hurts me sometimes.  I went to see the first Pirates movie like an idiot.  I paid money.  I sat in the theater just as excited as everyone else.  Then Johnny Depp started talking.  I don’t remember everything, I just remember at some point, when Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp were sword fighting I groaned as though my gall bladder had just ruptured, stood up, walked out, and swore off the movie forever.  I think I lasted about twenty minutes.  My disgustment of Depp is legendary, but a lot of people don’t realize it was THIS MOVIE that made it so intense.  Before this I just thought little of him.  Now I think a lot of him.  As in “How can I prove he’s actually a Acidic Larva Spawn of Hades here to destroy the mind of all women and children in preparation for Satan’s eventual takeover?”  Because he is.  Anyway, Depp is poison to my ability to watch a movie – and this Jack Sparrow character is only a catalyst to make it worse.  Now they want to give him/them a whole movie?  No.  NO. NO NO NONOOOONONOONONONONOOOOO!!!!   I’d rather bury myself alive – in a bed of cockroaches and cat vomit – then watch this movie.

Ewwww… that made me sick to write, but it was still better then watching either of those last two movies.

So, okay, you know the drill.  Hit that comment button and tell me why I’m wrong.  It won’t offend me.  Trust me on this, I’ve heard it all.  My friends all think I’m insane and stupid and have no clue what I’m talking about.  I hate weird movies… but this is my list so that’s what I hate.  Tomorrow, assuming you come back, I’ll point out some of the lesser-known movies as well as movies that I don’t know how to grade.

Oh, and Mila, call me.  Let’s go catch a GOOD movie.

Today’s list will be the ten movies that I am looking forward to seeing the most.  They are in order from ten to one, with one being the movies I salivate for every time I see the trailer.  The only deciding factor is me, cause I’m the one making the list.  It’s completely based on my tastes and interests, but it’s fun and it gives you guys a good idea of what odd flavors I’m into and why.

So, without further ado…

10. Zookeeper

Silly romantic comedy involving Kevin James and a bunch of the zoo animals voiced by people like Adam Sandler, Nick Nolte, Sylvester Stallone, Jon Favreau, and Judd Apatow.  I’ll be honest, this movie could tank… but, since I’m the only person in the world who liked Paul Blart: Mall Cop I’m pretty sure I’ll like Zookeeper.

9. Bad Teacher

I got tired of Cameron Diaz about ten movies ago.  And that’s why this movie works.  She’s a jerk, she’s obnoxious, she’s the vile main character.  And I love it.  Add to that it’s writers both work on The Office and I’m pretty sure it’ll get some laughs.   Plus, it has GIBBY from iCarly and I can’t get enough of Noah Munck.  Kid’s a riot.

8. 30 Minutes or Less

I will never be able to explain the plot of this.  Just, assume it’s odd and funny.  My only real worry on this movie is that I really don’t like Danny McBride who plays the moronic antagonist.  Still, the trailer reminds me a bit of Pineapple Express.  Actually, that may not be a good thing…

7. Crazy, Stupid, Love

This movie might be brilliant.  It’s an interesting mix of actors and an odd mash of humor and drama.  I’m stoked about this movie. Steve Carell loves this type of mixed lines movie and most of the time he scores a win.

6. Thor

This movie looks great so far, but I’m not a huge Thor fan.  I’m a bit of a Norse mythology buff and I’ve never liked how Marvel slapped that mythos around.  So, I’m going in with a bit of a chip on my shoulder.  That said, if they nail this movie it could be blockbuster of the year.  It’s got a lot of potential.  Can it catch lightning in a bottle?  (HAHAHA…that’s a killer.)

5. Our Idiot Brother

This one is the dark horse of the list.  Totally snuck in at the last possible moment.  Paul Rudd plays an simplistic, overly-naive guy who’s life goes into disarray while he spends time in jail.  Now released, he tries to put his life together while trampling the lives of his three sisters.  Looks like a brilliant comedy.

4. Hangover 2

Hangover was brilliant.  Then they promised a sequel early on.  Then we waited.  Finally it’s here.  The trailer cracks me up.  I’m ready for another insane weekend.

3. Cowboys & Aliens

Cowboys?  AWESOME.  Aliens?  SWEET!  Harrison Ford and James Bond team up?  SOLD!!!  Let’s go to the movies, let’s go to the movies!!

2. Kung Fu Panda 2

I saw the original Kung Fu Panda about 7 times in theaters.  That includes many trips to the “dollar theater” but the point remains:  one of my favorite movies ever.  In terms of pure enjoyment it’s up there with Princess Bride.  I just love it.  So, I hold a LOT of hope for this sequel.  While it’s one of the movies I’m most anticipating, it could also be one of the biggest letdowns ever.  I hope not, but it’s that tiny fear that keeps the Furious Five from being Number One.

1. Captain America

When the Avengers movie series was announced, this was the movie I feared the most.  Would they sell it short and just focus on Cap’s defrosting or would they go for gold and make a golden age WWII movie that creates fist pumping, heart pounding responses from the crowd?  Trailers suggest the later, and now I’m sold.  I wanted this – the origin of Captain America.  Why?  Because it will establish his intense sacrifice and resilience so much more – and it’s those traits that makes Cap one of the greatest heroes ever created.  Why he’s worthy of being Captain America.

Okay, check back tomorrow for the summer movies that terrify me.  Trust me, that’s the list you want to read.  No one will agree with it.  You’ll probably think I’m crazy.  But, hopefully, it’ll make you laugh.

After having seen Rio, my updated Twitter would be:  “How does a movie like Rio not get a better lead actor then Jesse Eisenberg??”

Yeah, you heard me.  You read that.  So let’s break it down:

First, the new implication is that Rio is a good movie.  You know why?  Cause it is!! Yeah!  Even I was surprised!  I mean, even if you put aside my original opinion that this was a faker movie, then the best – THE ABSOLUTE BEST – I was hoping for was that it wasn’t another Hop.  I actually spent half my morning thinking of witty ways to use the city of Rio de Janeiro, the country of Brazil, and the many terms for birds as insults.  I was by no means confident in this movie.

It is reasonable to ask why I would think that way, and here is my simple answer.  Blue Sky Studios had not ever yet impressed me.  Not until now.  I didn’t like Ice Age much and I never could convince myself to see either of it’s sequels.  I hated Robots.  Even Horton Hears a Who was just ‘good enough’ and I’m convinced the spirit of Dr. Seuss is the only thing that carried that movie.  Blue Sky is not Pixar.  They’re not Dreamworks.  Not Disney.

And for the first time I can say that’s “okay.”

In my mind, Rio is a coming of age for a studio.  Welcome to the game, guys.  Keep up the good work!!

Okay, enough about the backstage junk; let’s talk about the actual movie.  Rio is a movie set in… wait for it…Rio De Janeiro, Brazil – during Carnival no less!  Now, take a moment to consider the imagery that creates.  Bright colors.  Dancing.  Beautiful beaches, lively jungle, mountains, a wild city, and music.  So much music!  That is a LOT of sight and sound to live up too.  If you put a movie in such a vivid place, you better be able to live up to my imagination.  I’m happy to say Rio does live up to it.  It might have passed it actually.

Now, it helps that the cast is a bunch of well-animated, bright-colored birds voiced by the likes of musical talents Jamie Foxx, will.i.am, and Anne Hathaway.  (Yes, Anne can sing and if you didn’t know that shame on you!)  For the most part the music works – whether it’s sung or instrumental.  It lays a very nice groundwork and enhances several of the scenes.  I would’ve pushed that one step further though, and given Anne her own song.  The one exception is the standard ‘villian’ song.  This ain’t no “Be Prepared” or “Poor Unfortunate Souls” here.  It’s pretty much the worst song I’ve heard in a movie since… um… that horrible bat-rap song in Fern Gully.  Yeah, that bad.  Very bad.

Now, the story itself is… well, it’s pretty predictable.  There isn’t anything you haven’t seen before, just maybe cut and paste into different spots.  Still, the writing is pretty good and I did laugh plenty throughout so it’s not dry.  One thing I did like was that the humans don’t just disappear at the start then reappear at the end.  Instead, they play a parallel storyline that manages to keep them interesting without overshadowing the birds.

Voice acting is pretty solid.  Anne Hathaway is her typical amazing self.  The sidekicks ( George Lopez and Tracy Morgan for example) are quirky without being over the top.   Jemaine Clement is actually a really good baddie.  The only lackluster performance for me was (unfortunately) the main character Blu, played by Jessie Eisenberg.  Yeah, he’s a good actor in movies, but he has a dull and uninspired voice.  Yes, that’s the voice I think they wanted for Blu, but he’s not able to bring that to life at all.  He’s pretty much just flat the whole movie, and his voice never felt right on the parrot.  That’s just how I heard it, and I’ve already been told by Rob I heard it wrong.  Meh.

Still, my only complaints boil down to ONE really bad song and ONE bland voice.  That’s it.  Rio is a solid movie.  It’s a good movie.  In fact, I think it’s an early competitor for Animated Movie of the Year.  (We’ll see how Pooh and TinTin do later.)  Trust me, even I’m surprised.

So, with all that hype I just shoveled on you guys can you guess the final verdict?   A well earned 4 out of 5 (blue) feathers.

One last note:  I was forced to watch this in 3D.   I personally do NOT like 3D movies, but that’s me.  If you DO like 3D this is a good movie for it.  Lots of birds flying around, neat glitter effects with the leaves, feathers, and parades.  Tons of cool scenery shots that engulf the 3D space.  It makes me dizzy and gives me a headache, but if it’s your cup of tea… well, Rio serves up a large jug.

Quick summary:  the main rabbit character is E.B – the future Easter Bunny.  Poor chap doesn’t want to be the Easter Bunny, he wants to be a drummer.  He runs away from home, and stumbles into a professional no-job loser Fred (played by James Marsden).  Fred’s Dad told him he could be ‘great’ when he was a kid, but Fred’s ambition for greatness has limited his ability to grow up.  Somehow to two become friends and save Easter from a Latin Chicken.

Hop is one fourth buddy movie, one fourth a Christmas movie, one fourth a family movie, and one fourth good.

So, lets start with that good part.  Visually, the rabbits and their Easter Island factory looked pretty good.  Nothing that made my jaw drop but definitely good enough for me to appreciate.  E.B was voiced by Russell Brand and while I originally was worried about him as a voice actor, I was pleasantly surprised by his work on Hop.  In fact, between the decent graphics and the good voice acting I’d go so far as to say E.B. was a very likable character – almost cute even.  Almost.  However, there is no doubt in my mind that the scene stealer in this movie was David Hasselhoff.  By hamming it up to the max, David was one of the few parts of this movie that actually made me laugh.

And that is probably a good place to start nitpicking Hop.  Dialogue in this movie is forced and awkward and rarely fluid.  I’m not sure if the cause of this problem is writers trying to hard to be funny, or a script that didn’t know how to make an Easter Bunny story seem natural.  Maybe some of both?

True, there aren’t a lot of Easter Bunny stories.  Or legends, or fables, or anything.  So, it’s hard to decide how the world would react to a talking rabbit with a British accent and a desire to bang the drums all day.  The problem is, while I may not know how the world would react, I’d like it if my writers would decide and then stick to it.  Sometimes people freaked out.  Sometimes they shrugged it off.  In one scene E.B. is pretending to be a puppet, the next he’s ordering carrot cake at a diner, and then the next he’s a stuffed animal.  Very back and forth.

In a way, that inconsistent reaction to E.B. is a great example of the much larger problem in this movie.  Why does anyone do anything?  WHY?!  I never got a sense for why the chickens tried to take over Easter.  I never understood why Fred wanted to be the Easter Bunny.  I still have no clue why Fred’s sister was so nice to him or why the rest of his family acted like he was human garbage.  I don’t have the slightest clue why the ending went down the way it did.  (I’m trying to avoid spoilers here, but lets just say the Easter Bunny grants a wish for someone that goes completely against the rules of Easter according to movie.)

Most of the movie made little sense if you thought about it for half a second.  Characters were way to willing to accept things that didn’t make any sense at all.  Stuff just happened and everyone moved on.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  The movie wasn’t bad.  I didn’t groan or roll my eyes or suffer through at all.  I scratched my head a few dozen times, but even when it was just weird it wasn’t wrong.  Depending on your sense of humor, it is entirely possible to sit down and watch this whole movie and feel good and move on with your life when the credits roll.  To me, though, it was just sort of ninety minutes of quasi-entertainment with no thrills and only a couple of laughs.  It was there, I was there, and together (somehow) we made it through. I do think kids will like it (the younger the better) but it doesn’t offer anything you can’t already find in any other animated movie.

In the end I’m going to give Hop a simple 2 Easter Eggs.

It’s not a movie I’d suggest going to see in the theater, but maybe later this  year grab it from Netflix for the kids to watch.  That’s about the best I can offer.

Now, that’s just a partial list but it’s a good sample.  A couple of those are great, but most are just terrible.  The track record has NOT been good so far.  Not at all.

So every time a new remake is announced I get a little LOT nervous.  If there is one thing I hate HATE HATE with a passion it’s people destroying my good memories with lazy, uncreative, poorly written trash that just uses a brand name and a lot of flashy new computer animation to rake in ill-gotten gain.

Michael Bay is my Satan.  Enough said.

The most recent ‘remake’ goes by the name of Looney Tunes.  A new show is planned for Cartoon Network that plays homage to the old classics, and with it comes the rebirth of the short three-minute films before movies.  Three new shorts involving Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote will grace large screens this year – the first appearing with Cats and Dogs 2 this past weekend.

Now, as much as I’d like to say I have the inside scoop on this I really don’t.  However, I did find out that Jerry Beck over at Cartoon Brew DOES in fact have an inside scoop on the cartoons.  In fact, he’s already seen them all!  You can find his review and some pictures here and a short sample clip was made available which I’ve got for you just below.

Since there’s about zero chance of me going to see Cats and Dogs 2 I’ll just have to wait for one of the other movies to get a real taste of the new cartoons.  Or, if all else fails, I’ll wait for the cartoon show when it gets here.  What I can say is that this little clip made me chuckle, and that’s a good sign.  I don’t know if the whole show can keep me laughing, and Looney Tunes is a BIG icon to live up to.

Still, at least this clip and review are a good start to making me feel like Warner Bros. is going to deliver some quality and not just a piece of Acne junk that’s likely to sling me into the side of a cliff and then blow up.  Leave that stuff to Coyote, thanks.

…. or Michael Bay.

Good news everyone, Comedy Central decided to bring the show back.  With a plan of 26 new episodes and the entire original voice cast back the future looks bright indeed!  The first two episodes were on Thursday night in a special hour long launch, and new episodes are planned every Thursday night on Comedy Central.

By the way, rumors of the relaunch being pushed because of threats from an upset Omicron Persei 8 are completely unfounded (but still believable.)

By the way, if you were worried that the show might have lost some of it’s flair and style from being canceled once before, don’t worry.  Rob and I caught those first two episodes last week and I can assure you the show hasn’t missed a step.